Stumble on a Growing Journey

How can one person shatter the feeling of success on a growing path? Through all the stumbling that I have done when it comes to learning about boundaries in my life, why now does this hurt more? Is it because this was the first person I set healthy boundaries with from the very beginning. Did everything in my power to make the friendship right. To show this person what it meant to have real friendship. To show myself what it meant to be in a healthy friendship from the start. OR was I really so cold..did the boundaries I set up ruin the friendship? Have I become cold now? OR is it more that I am still learning and making mistakes. OR was this person so difficult and so hurt and lost that even in front of him, he couldn't see truth. Truth in the friendships that had so briefly entered his life. I know the feeling of fear. Fear of people loving you for who you really are. Fear of your heart softening and changing. TRUSTING. Why do we shy away from the One that has always been there? I know in my heart that this friend is more running away from the the Lord who loves him so unconditionally, and I know that my friendship is only another way of the Lord shining through. I see now in my conversations with this friend, that I always made sure the Lord was ever so present, because He is the only one I live for. So is not obvious that in every action I take I am doing so for the Lord. Well at least trying. I am not perfect only human. But it is what I strive for. I guess my heart just hurts because I want this friend to be in pain no more. I want him to find the truth and grasp it with all of his being. I know what it is like to be on the other side, being blind to the truth. Never really seeing the Lord never feeling his love for me because I was consumed by the worldly view of me. Such a lonely place that is. And the scariest part of all is feeling more comfortable in this place because it is so familiar, and the fear of the unknown is so great just imagining it makes you tremble. I know the Lord is with this friend, and now it is only Jesus who can penetrate his heart. I have no control and the only thing I can do is pray for this friend. To always love and care for this friend even when he does not want me to. And with this conclusion I feel in my heart, I can only give it the Lord. The questions I ask can only be answered by him. And in this I know I will be OK. I know my friend will be OK.